Zombies!

So I went to see Zombieland with my dad. Fun stuff. Not a great movie, but highly entertaining. Bill Murray had a pretty good cameo. They ask him, "Any regrets?" And he replies, "Maybe Garfield." Funny!

Someone recently started a debate, Who would win in a battle between zombies and vampires? I argued for the vampires, and here's why.

As both vampires and zombies are undead, killing each other becomes a problem. Zombies, sure, could swarm a vampire and rip him apart. Edward, nooooo! But, in the more real and ancient vampire tales, the vampire can become a wolf or a bat. Thus, when the zombies begin to converge,all the intended victim would have to do would be a quick morph. Suddenly, he's flying, out of reach of the entirely earth-bound zombies.

Vampires would be naturally immune to the zombie disease, as all viruses deal with living cells. The vampire, having no living cells, would naturally have no reason to fear accidental infection. Even drinking zombie blood, which I doubt they would do in the first place, would not have an infectious effect because vampires just aren't human enough to get infected.

Also, vampires retain some semblance of humanity. At least, the cold logic part. Count Orlock, Count Dracula, and yes, let's go ahead and mention the Cullen clan, they all have the ability to behave normally and think rationally. Surely they would figure out that pesky bullet-to-the-brain technique. Zombies would never understand the stake thing (Maybe the zombies from Zombieland might.) And I know I have seen a movie where a vampire decapitates someone. I can't think of where, exactly, but somewhere, the supernaturally strong vampire ripped the head off of an opponent or victim. You may have seen this.

So, once the vampires killed off all the zombies, and the land purged itself of all zombie bacteria, the zombiepocalype would be over, and the humans would once again have seeming reign over all creation. This would give the vampires room to feed once more, not having to fight over territory or prey.

Happy for vampires. Either way, we regular humans are doomed.

Vampire tourism has gotten rather big out in Forks, judging by the souveniers my sister and mother brought back. A t-shirt saying "Twilight Lounge." A roadsign saying "Welcome to Forks. Population 3562 Vampires 8.5." A magnet shaped like a ruby red apple with the word Seattle emblazoned across it. Okay, perhaps that last one is actually just for Seattle and the connection is entirely coincidental. But you never know.

I tell you what, this Edward vs Jacob thing may be getting just a wee bit out of hand. You're either on Team Edward or Team Jacob. Daph came back from having visited La Push, and she called it "stinky werewolf land" on her Facebook. This, by itself, seems rather innocuous, but the rivalry is getting somewhat vicious. I can just see it. The movie theater has two separate lines so no one starts anything. Hisses and taunts fly through the air. Team Edward throws an apple. Stuff gets started.

Sure, this all sounds insane. But when it happens, remember that I foretold it.

You ever have one of those totally blank moments?

I'm having one right now.

I need to post something. Anything, really. I'm only at 11 and I need 20 at least before the end of this semester. I can't just leave it when I've got a wee bit of writer's block.

So! What to talk about? Hmmmmmm...

I suppose I'll talk about "Twilight." My mother and my sister are flying out today. Guess where they're going? You'll never guess. Well, I'll give you a clue. They are flying to Seattle, Washington. Take that, add it to the Meyers vampire novel, and what do you get?

My sister and mom are visiting Forks. The little nothing town in which "Twilight" is set. I refrain from passing judgement. I will say that I am jealous because I have always wanted to see the Pacific Northwest. Oregon, mostly, though I could never tell you just why. I suppose the Redwoods are a key factor. That, or the Native Americans from that area. I love the trickster Raven. And Coyote, though he's from a different area of North America. And Loki, though he's not from America at all. And Anansi... well, you get the drift. I love trickster characters.

Which is probably why I love Bruno Walton.

If you've never read the Bruno and Boots books, I would definitely suggest you do it before you get too old to appreciate the humor.

Logically Speaking...

A bunch of random thoughts (which happen to travel in a bit of a train...)

If anyone should wear pants, it should be women, and if anyone should wear skirts, it should be men. Think about it. Who has less to squish into pants, hmmm? Men seem rather masochistic to me.

It's just not fair that men can go shirtless and women can't. The same rules should apply for both, considering that nipples abound either way and women can be just as attracted to men's chests as vice versa.

Why do the rules of virginity apply more to girls than boys? This society expects the girls to remain pure until marriage but guys are somehow less guy if they don't give it up in their teens. To keep both of these rules would mean that the guys would have to only have sex with already married women, or divorcees, or widows. And wouldn't that be a cultural taboo as well?

I'm sorry, Twilight fans. Vampires drink blood. This is their sustenance. Blood comes from mammals, usually. A deer, though not a human, is most definitely not a vegetable. Thus, Edward's vegetarian comment? No.

Also, vampires can't be good at heart. They're undead. Soul, gone. This is fairly much universally agreed upon, even by the vampires.

Werewolves can be good at heart as humans, but as wolves they're just surviving.

The movie "Madagascar" is idiotic. The lion is the villain because he wants to eat meat. He's a lion. That's what they do. And how is eating a fish any less villainous? Oh my god he's gonna eat the zebra... Oh, no, okay, we're good, he's just eating stupid fish. Who cares about the fish?

I feel bad for fish. Especially salmon. They wear themselves out just trying to get to the place they can procreate, and then all they do is eject stuff into the water. No fun at all, is it?

Thank God I'm not a porcupine. Do you know about their mating dance? It's effed up.

Val Kilmer's Bruce Wayne spent his Batman life "helping strangers [he] never met." Isn't that the definition of stranger? Someone you haven't met? Come on, man.

The scene in "Top Secret" in the bookshop is fantastic, and more people ought to see it.

Spoof movies generally suck. "Top Secret" is fun. "Loaded Weapon" is fun. "Airplane" is fun. But all the others I can think of are lame. There was ONE good joke in "Epic Movie" and ONE good scene in "Superhero Movie" and let's not get to the "Scary Movie" franchise.

And I think that's enough random thoughts for now.